Funny life quotes

If you are feeling low and you do you take me up and take a look at these famous quotes about life.

“As you get older, the pickings get slimmer, but the people don’t. ” Carrie Fisher

“When I was a boy the Dead Sea was only sick. ” George Burns

“I don’t feel old. I don’t feel anything till noon. That’s when it’s time for my nap. ” Bob Hope

“Age is an issue of mind over matter. If you don’t mind, it doesn’t matter. ” Mark Twain

Have a read of these quotes about life.

“My wife has a slight impediment in her speech. Every now and then she stops to breathe.” Jimmy Durante

“I think men who have a pierced ear are better prepared for marriage. They’ve experienced pain and bought jewelry.” Rita Rudner

“Marriage is like putting your hand into a bag of snakes in the hope of pulling out an eel.” Leonardo da Vinci

“Whatever you may look like, marry a man your own age – as your beauty fades, so will his eyesight.” Phyllis Diller

What about these funny quotes about life.

“All tragedies are finished by a death, all comedies by a marriage.” Lord Byron

“Always do sober what you said you’d do drunk. That will teach you to keep your mouth shut.” Ernest Hemingway

“Without question, the greatest invention in the history of mankind is beer. Oh, I grant you that the wheel was also a fine invention, but the wheel does not go nearly as well with pizza.” Dave Barry

“The President has kept all the promises he intended to keep.” Bill Clinton aide George Stephanopolous

“Heaven is an American salary, a Chinese cook, an English house, and a Japanese wife. Hell is defined as having a Chinese salary, an English cook, a Japanese house, and an American wife.” James H. Kabbler III

“Politics is perhaps the only profession for which no preparation is thought necessary.” Robert Louis Stevenson

“We would all like to vote for the best man but he is never a candidate.” Frank McKinney Hubbard